


About (Two) Boys

by Annie46fic



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Drabble, Episode: s10e12 About A Boy, M/M, Off-screen Relationship(s), Reflection, Season/Series 10 Spoilers, Swearing
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-02-13
Updated: 2015-02-13
Packaged: 2018-03-12 06:42:11
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 606
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3347372
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Annie46fic/pseuds/Annie46fic
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Perhaps being a boy wasn’t as bad as he remembered.</p>
            </blockquote>





	About (Two) Boys

If he tries hard enough he can actually remember being ten years old, and looked after by his big brother. 

He recalls lying on the squeaky back seat of the Impala, sleepy and warm, his feet tucked under a stolen blanket. Dean’s voice was soft then, and not the deep timbre it is now. He can still hear the stupid stories Dean made up to help him sleep, stories about things they would never have; a puppy perhaps, a vacation at Disneyland, or a home of their own.

It’s strange, he thinks, as he looks over at his brother. Strange that Dean being like this, being fourteen again, makes him feel like a little brother again, makes him feel oddly vulnerable yet protected. Stupid he knows; fuck he’s going on 6ft 6 in his shoes and he hasn’t been _little_ since his teenage growth spurt when he went from midget to giant in a matter of months.

He can’t stop staring; can’t stop looking at Dean’s bare arm. The mark is gone and Dean is _Dean_ again. Calm, business-like, unaffected. He hadn’t known how much he’d missed _this_ Dean. How much he had missed his brother being the rational one. Sam has been affected by visions, possessed by a demon, addicted to blood, soulless, and occupied by an angel and yet now he’s the rational one. It seems weird to feel in control of his own body for once but, despite this, he still feels fucking powerless because he hasn’t been able to save his brother.

His fingers are tight around the wheel and he has to relax his shoulders to stop them from touching his ears. He can hear Dean talking, a constant buzz in the background of his tumbling thoughts. Dean fears zits and the fact he likes Taylor Swift all of a sudden. He bemoans his almost constant erection and Sam feels inappropriately turned on. It’s been a while since they . . . since they were more than brothers, but that doesn’t mean he doesn’t still want it, need it to be honest. It’s a line they crossed a long time ago, but with the trials and Dean’s death, Sam’s search for his demon brother and all that goes along with that, they haven’t had the time or the inclination to be intimate.

At times like this he almost wants to be ten again; sitting in the back of the Impala and pretending to fly a plane, singing along with Dean – stupid car songs that make the journey go faster. His dad wasn’t the best parent in the world, but his brother was. Dean was (and still is) father, mother and brother to him and, despite what he may have said or done in the past, he is grateful for it, eternally so. He loves his brother in so many different and complicated ways and he won’t ever stop loving him, wanting him, or needing him. 

His brother might be a boy, but Sam wishes he was a boy too. Wishes they could both go back in time. Things were uncomplicated then, there was just one demon rather than legions, angels were something that his mom used to pray to, and witches were things that only existed in fairy tales.

Their lives are so damn complicated; makes being a kid something to be thankful for. Sam knows it and Dean does too. He knows his brother wants to stay like this, stay clean of the mark but he also knows that’s unlikely to happen. Dean will change back and they’ll have to deal with it in the same way they deal with everything. 

Together.

End


End file.
